Happy Women’s Day (March 8)

Happy Women’s Day (March 8)

Aaj March 8 Women’s Day hain.

Woman is a loving daughter, supportive sister, dutiful wife, caring mother, kind hearted grandmother.

Woman ek powerful person hain. 

Log kehte hain ‘Bhagwan ko hum dekh nahin sakte aur Bhagwan hum sabke saath har waqt reh nahi sakte. Isliye Bhagwan ne humaare liye MAA ko banaaya hain’ Maa bhi ek aurat (woman) hain. Maa apne bacchon ko 9 months pet main rakh kar raksha karti hain. Humaare liye bahut takleef jhelti hain. Ussi se hum sab acchaiyaan seekhte hain. Phir bhi log kyun bure bante hain?? 

Maa humein patience, discipline, morals, culture, emotions etc sikhaati hain.

W - Warm hearted

O - Outstanding

M – Mentally strong

E – Encouraging

N – Naturally most tolerable human being hoti hain.

Women ki wajah se (9 months pet mein rakhne se), men paida hote hain. Phir bhi men women ko kyun sammaan (respect) nahi dete hain? Aaj kal rape cases itne bad gaye hain. Un rapists ko aisa karte waqt, kya apne maa aur behen ki yaad nahi aati? Humaare desh mein, hum deviyon ke pooja karte hain. Phir bhi kuch men aise rape kyun karte hain?

Jab hum Aastha, Sanskaar channel dekhte hain, humaare mann mein bura vichaar nahi aata hain. Film ek aisa maadhyam hain, log usse inspired ho jaate hain kyunki usme over body exposure, rape, murder, crimes etc dikhaate hain. Film ke logon ne thoda Laxman-Rekha (Line of Control)mein rehnaa zaroori hain.

Pubs, disco clubs se bacche bigad jaate hain. Aur parents ko bhi bacchon ke upar thoda nazar rakhna chaahiye. Bacchon ko bahut paisa de kar unko bigaadna nahi chaahiye.

A research shows that women are more intelligent than men though their brain is 8% smaller than men.

Psychologists have found that the female IQ has risen above those of men.

‘Every Home, Every Heart, Every Feeling, Every moment of Happiness is incomplete without women. Only women can complete this world’             

BUDGET 2013

                          Budget

The points in red lines come under the new budget plan by Chidambaram

On 28th February 2013, Finance Minister Chidambaram ne budget sunaaya.

*Budget me aam aadmi ke liye kuch nahi tha*

1) India se bahar ke (Imported) cars aur motor cycles mehnge

Aam aadmi's wife : Lekin hum bahar ke car ya motor cycle kyun lenge?

Humare paas desi car aur motor cycle lene ke hi paise nahi hain.

2) Baahar desh se sone ke gehne laaye toh women ke liye 1 Lakh tak service charge nahi aur men ke liye 50,000 tak service charge nahi

Aam aadmi's wife : Hum baahar desh jaayenge aur sona laayenge.

Aam aadmi : Humein sona kharidne ke liye aur bahar desh aane jaane ke liye paisa kaun dega? Tumhara baap dega ya Chidambaram dega?

Aam aadmi's wife : Aaaeeyy!!!! Mere baap pe mat jaaaaana (In Dolly Bindra's style)

3) Women ke liye India's first public sector bank

Aam aadmi's wife : Humare desh mein bank kam hain kya?? Old banks mein rakhne ke liye hi humare paas paise nahi hain. Toh naya bank kyun? Iss naye bank mein paisa rakhne ke liye humein kaun paisa dega?

Aam aadmi : Shaayad Sonia Gandhi aur film actresses ke black money ke liye banaaya hoga. Aur kyunki yeh women bank hain, isliye Swiss Bank mein jo humare Indian ladies ke paise chupaake rakhe hain, usse waapas laakar, iss naye bank mein rakh sakte hain.

4) The women's bank will open with 1000 Crore rupees deposit says Chidambaram

Aam aadmi's wife : Aap Chidambaram ke paas jaa kar unko boliye, "Meri wife naye sarkaari women bank mein paise rakhna chaahti hain. Isliye meri wife ne 50,000 rupees dene ko bola hain"

5) Videshi kapde saste

Aam aadmi's wife : Wahan ke log humare jaise kapde nahi pehnte hain na? Nanga ghumte hain. Isliye unhone humare desh ko woh unused kapde bheja hoga. Isliye videshi kapde saste ho gaye.

6) Joote (shoes) saste

Aam aadmi's wife : Kisko maarne ke liye?

Ek baar Iraq ke aadmi ne America ke President ko jhoote se maara tha.

Aam aadmi : Woh joote isliye saste ho gaye hain kyunki hum log bahut saare joote khareed ke corrupt politicians ko maar sakte hain.

7) Sabhi saamaan mehngaa kiya hain jaise ki current bill, water bill, kitchen ka cylinder, petrol, diesel, groceries, vegetables etc

Aam aadmi's wife : Ab se humko weekly do din upvaas karna chaahiye kyunki paani aur gas ka kharcha kam hoga.

8) Sonia Gandhi ke dream project food security ke liye 10,000 crore dene ka promise Chidambaram ne kiya

Aam aadmi : Yeh dream project ka matlab kya hain?

Aam aadmi's wife : Mujhe bhi nahi maaloom! Shaayad Sonia Gandhiji ke 1 year ke personal food ke liye dete honge. Shaayad woh apne liye Italy se pizza aur pasta mangwaati hogi.

9) Pehli baar jo naya ghar lena chaahte hain, unhone 25 Lakhs tak loan liya toh, unko 1 Lakh discount milegaa

Aam aadmi (to wife) : Lekin hum jaise aam logon ko 24 Lakhs loan, bina security ke aur kam interest par loan kaun dega?? Shaayad Chidambaram ji ne tum jaise mahilaon ke liye banaaye huye 1st Indian women bank mein  se India ke aam women ko bina security ke aur kam interest ka loan milegaa.

Kya phone tapping karna theek hain?

Kya phone tapping karna theek hain?

Arun Jaitley BJP ke netaa hain. Lekin kisi ko bhi unka phone illegally record karne ka haq nahi hain.

Arun Jaitley ke calls record ek jaasoos (detective) aadmi ne kiya tha jiska naam Neeraj hain. Neeraj ne paise de kar Police Constable Arvind Dabbas se Arun Jaitley ka call details nikalwaaya tha. Phir Neeraj ne saare details Anurag aur Nitish ko diya.

Kya yeh gair kaanooni nahi hain..??

Agar Arun Jaitley doosre logon ke calls record karwaayenge toh, kya woh log chup baithenge..??

Press Council of India ke Chairman, Markandey Katju ne kaha ki Arun Jaitley ne resignation denaa chaahiye

Aur Markandey Katju ne 'The Hindu' newspaper mein likha tha ki Narendra Modi Hitler hain.

Humein lagta hain ki kyunki yeh Germany nahi hain aur yeh India hain, isliye yeh Germany ka Hitler nahi hoga.

Katju ne kaha hua Hitler alag hain.

Narendra Modi is  H-Highly

                             I-Intelligent

                             T-Totally

                             L-Loyal

                             E-Efficient

                             R-Rising Star

2002 Godhra incident mein Muslim logon ne Hindu ladies & children (Totally 60) ke compartment jalaa kar unko maar daala tha. Uske baad Hindu-Muslim dangaa ho gaya.

2002 se 2013 tak kya KaTju kaju khaa rahe the?

Ab Katju ko article likhne ka yaad aaya..??

Congress ke logon ne bhi kam kaam nahi kiya!

Yeh Katju ko maaloom nahi hoga.

1984 mein Indira Gandhi ke death ke baad Congress Government was the ruling party. Tab Congress Government ne 2000 Sikh logon ki hatya Delhi mein ki thi. Iska justice Sikh logon ko milaa ya nahi. Yeh maaloom nahi..!!

In 1991 Sri Lanka mein, Sri Lanka ke logon ke beech aur India se Sri Lanka gaye huye Tamilians ke beech jhagda hua tha. Tab woh Sri Lanka ka internal matter tha. Lekin Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi ne Indian military ko Sri Lanka bhej kar, Sri Lanka ke Indian Tamil logon ko maar daala tha.

Un Tamil logon ko justice milaa yaa nahi. Maaloom nahi..!!

Narendra Modi ka naam sun kar Congress ke log darte honge. Isliye woh Modi ka naam kharaab karna chahte hain.

Desh ke Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde bolte hain, "Rahul Gandhi ka bhaashan sun kar sabhi log (Opposite party people) darr gaye honge"

Darne ke liye kitne logon ne Rahul Gandhi ka bhaashan suna hain?

Congress ke aur ek netaa Uttar Pradesh ke Mantri Beni Prasad, Gonda mein kehte hain, "Main Rahul ko Pradhan Mantri banaaunga, chaahe woh mujhe kitna bhi daante"

Isse maaloom hota hain ki Congress mein sirf ek aadmi ke opinion se Prime Minister chunaa jaata hain. Beni Prasad senior ho kar bhi Rahul se daant khaana pasand karte hain.

Women ki suraksha Bharat mein

Women ki suraksha Bharat mein

Sanskrit mein ek shlok hain,

"Yatra Naaryastu Poojyante,

Ramante Tatra Devataaha: "

Meaning : ‘Jahan women ki pooja hoti hain,

Wahan Bhagwan rehte hain’

Mahatma Gandhiji ne ek baar kaha tha, "Jab ek ladki ya aurat North ke Kashmir se South ke Kanyakumari tak akeli without fear jaa sakti hain, tab main samjhoongaa desh ko really freedom milaa hain"

Lekin aaj ke Mahilaaon ko dekh kar dukh hota hain. Congress ki Minister of Women & Child Development Renuka Chaudhary bolti hain, "BJP ke Narendra Modi mahila virodhi (against) hain"

Yahan thodi comedy laana chaahte hain.

Press ne Renuka ji se poocha,

Press : Modi ne kya kiya? Aap unko mahila virodhi bolti hain.

Renuka C : Mujhe bhi nahi pata kya kiya hain!

Press : Phir aapne kyun aisa kahaan ki Narendra Modi mahilaoon ki against hain?

Renuka C : Main ek mahila hoon. Theek hain? Woh mera virodhi hain. Kyunki main Congress mein aur Modi BJP mein hain. Isliye maine bola ki woh mahila virodhi hain kyunki woh mere virodhi hain.

Press : Log kehte hain aapke Congress ke ek aadmi Suryanelli rape case mein involved hain. Aap unko bachaa rahe ho.

Renuka C : Rapist ho ya Communist ho, mujhe nahi maloom. Humein High Command itna hi bolti hain ki aap sirf BJP ka naam kharaab karne par concentrate karo aur Congress ke logon ko bachaao.

Press : India ke capital Delhi mein Chief Minister Sheila Dixit, ladies ho kar bhi bolti hain, "Delhi is not safe for women"

Iska meaning kya hain? Kya aap iske baare mein kuch nahin kar sakte?

Renuka C : Dekhiye, ek law laa sakte hain. Hume maaloom hain ki rapist ko hang kiya toh, baaki saare rapists log darr jaayenge.

Lekin humne rapist hang law laaya toh aur agar humare politicians ya unke bacchon ne kisi ko rape kiya toh, hum unko kaise bachaa sakte hain???? Unko bhi hang karna padegaa!!!!

Isliye hum rapist hang law nahi laate hain. Agar rapist hang law nahi hain toh hum High Court, Supreme Court mein appeal karke or bail dekar, hum unhe raksha de sakte hain. Isliye hum log hang law laakar rapists ko daraanaa nahi chaahte hain.

Vijay Mallya

                           Vijay Mallya

(Owner of Kingfisher Airlines, Kingfisher beer & IPL's Royal Challengers Bengaluru)

We are against alcohol. This is an imaginary article written for fun.

Aam Aadmi (Mango Man) : Vijay Mallya ji, aap kisliye Kingfisher airlines ke loan bhar nahi rahe ho?

Vijay Mallya : Kyunki mere saare rupaye London se Mahatma Gandhiji ke saamaan auction karke laane mein khatam ho gaye.

Aam Aadmi : Sabhi bol rahe hain ki aapne beer ka paisa usme daala. Kya yeh sach hain?

Vijay Mallya : Main sirf beer sell karta hoon. Usme bahut alcohol nahi hota. Sirf 4% to 6% alcohol hota hain. Lekin humare politicians drugs sell karnewaalo ko bhi nahi pakadte.

Aam Aadmi : Aap calendar mein ladkiyon par bahut paisa kharch karte ho. Isliye aapka loss hua hoga.

Vijay Mallya : Lekin humare Indian women itne modern huye hain ki Poonam Pandey aur Sherlyn Chopra jaise log apne nange (naked) photos twitter pe dikhaate hain, woh bhi binaa paise ke. Aur Sherlyn Chopra bolti hain, "Mere baap zinda hote toh mujhpar proud feel karte"

Lekin Sherlyn ko nahi maloom hain ki shaayad inke dressing sense dekh kar hi inke pitaa pehle guzar gaye honge.

Aam Aadmi : Agar aapko Kingfisher Airlines ko zinda rakhna hain toh, aap Ekta Kapoor ke paas jaayiye. Unke ek astrologer hain.

Vijay Mallya : Lekin Ekta Kapoor ke bhai Tusshar Kapoor ko gungaa karke bhi, pants ke neeche ka hissa dikha kar bhi, woh astrologer usse popular nahi banaa sakaa, mujhe kya banaayegaa..??

Aam Aadmi : Aur ek astrologer hain. Bigg Boss ka astrologer.

Vijay Mallya : Shaayad uss astrologer ne Bigg Boss ko bataaya hoga, “Aap aage mat aayiye. Kisi ne aapko dekha toh Bigg Boss show flop ho jaayegaa”

Phir bhi main mere Kingfisher airlines ki raksha karne ke liye uss astrologer ke paas jaaongaa.

Bigg Boss ka astrologer : Aap ki destiny (naseeb) acchi hain. Lekin teen chaar gadbad hain. Change karna chaahiye.

Vijay Mallya : Kya gadbad hain?

Astrologer : 1) Aapne apne Kingfisher ka naam hataakar Queen Fisher rakhna chaahiye. Nahin toh aur ek solution hain,

2) High command ka hand aapke sar ke upar honaa chaahiye. Aur Airlines ka naam Ladies Finger rakhna chaahiye kyunki Ladies finger (High Command) ki ungli mein bahut taakat hoti hain. Aur,

3) Aapke IPL team ke logon ne aapse itne saare paise liye hain ki aapko bank se loan lene ki zaroorat hi nahi hain. Un players se aap loan le sakte hain. Aur,

4) Royal ka R nikaal kar L rakhna chaahiye. Isse Loyal Challengers hota hain. Isse aapki team kitni loyal hain aur aapke liye kitne challenges lete hain, woh aapko maloom padegaa.

Kahaani

                                      KAHAANI                 

Yeh Vidya Balan ki 'Kahaani' nahi hain.

Yeh ek imaginary kahaani hain.

Iss kahaani mein maa apne bete se kehti hain,

Maa : Beta, tum kab shaadi karoge? Sabhi log mujhse poochte hai ki bete ki shaadi kab karwaaoge. Main yeh sawaal sun sun ke pak gayi hoon.

Beta : Maa, mere saath bhi yeh hi hota hain. Sabhi log mujhse poochte hain ki main kab shaadi karoonga.

Maa : Beta, maine tumhari umar mein shaadi karke bacche bhi paida kiye the! Ab tum middle age ke ho gaye ho.

Beta : Maa, maine ek ladki ko choona hain. Woh baahar desh ki hain.

Maa : Bahaar desh ki NAHIIIIIIIII..!! Beta, tumhe maloom nahi..?? Baahar ka khaana is injurious to health.

Beta : Maa, aap bhi toh baahar desh ki ho. Phir bhi meri daadi ne aap ko accept kiya tha.

Maa :  Lekin beta, main baahar desh ki hoon. Isliye main jaanti hoon ki bahaar desh ki ladkiyaan bahut cunning hoti hain.
Main dance mein expert thi. Isliye maine tumhaare pitaa ji ko apne dancing tune pe nachaaya tha. Aur isi liye maine tumhari daadi ko bhi impress kiya.

Beta : Maa, maine jis ladki ko pasand kiya hai woh bhi dance jaanti hain.

Maa : Lekin main iss ladki ka dance nahi jaanti hoon. Aur ab main buddhi ho gayi hoon. Ab main dance nahi seekh sakti.

Beta : Lekin aap sabhi ko apne dance se nachaate ho na, Maa.

Maa : Naa beta, main Shri Krishna ji ki bhakta hoon. Jaise Shri Krishna ji ne Gowardhan parvat ko ek ungli se utha kar sabhi ko raksha diya tha, waise main sirf ek ungli se sabhi logon ko nachaati hoon.

Beta : Toh main sanyaasi banoonga.

Maa : Woh theekh hain. Mujhe bhi shaanti milegi. Nahin toh woh baahar desh ki ladki mujhse dance karwaayegi. Beta, tum ek kaam kar sakte ho. Indian ladkiyaan Indian classical dance acchi tarah se seekhte hain. Woh pehle Guru ko Namaskaar karke, Guru ko respect dete hain. Indian ladki mujhko bhi respect degi. Woh mere ishaare pe naachegi. Main baahar desh ki hoon. Lekin meri bahu meri jaisi cunning fox nahi, Indian cow honi chaahiye.
Ek Sanyaasi hain. Unke paas tum jaao. Woh yoga sikhaate hain. Aur aankh maarna bhi sikhaate hain. Tum yoga seekho ya naa seekho, par aankh maarna unse easily seekh sakte ho.
Isliye aap aankh maar kar ladki ko pataana seekh jaaoge.

Godhra attack & Congress

         Godhra attack & Congress

Narendra Modi ne Delhi ke Shriram College Of Commerce mein kaha, "Hum snake charmers se mouse charmers ban gaye hain"

Tab Congress ke logon ne kaha, "Yeh regressive statement hain"

Regressive means falling down to less developed state. Matlab upar se neeche girnaa.

Kyunki Congress mein uneducated aur silly log zyaada hain, isliye Congress ke logon ne samjha hoga 'mouse' in this statement means 'rat'

Britishers kehte the, "India is the land of snakes"

Narendra Modi ne kaha hua mouse 'Computer ka mouse' hain.

Narendra Modi ka matlab tha ki hum Indians Computer & Technology mein bahut intelligent hain.

Narendra Modi ne kaha ki Gujarat ka namak sabhi jagah jaata hain.

Isliye Twitter par Shakeel Ahmed ne kaha ki Narendra Modi ne Gujarat ka namak khaa kar khoon bahaaya hain.

Yaha hum thoda comedy karke bataana chahte hain.

Congress ke Rasheed Alvi aur Congress ke Shakeel Ahmad in a conversation with each other,

Rashid Alvi : Lekin Gujarat ke Hindu people se pehle, hamare Muslim logon ne Godhra mein khoon bahaaya tha.

Gujarati women & children were returning after a pilgrimage, from Ayodhya to Gujarat by Sabarmati Express. Our Muslim people locked the train from outside, poured kerosene & burnt that compartment. Around 60 Hindu women & children died in the Godhra attack.

After the Godhra attack, violence started between Hindu & Muslims & many people died.

We took 10 years to give justice to the people who died because of the burnt compartment. And later, we called the deliberate burning as a short-circuit to save our Muslim people.

Shakeel Ahmed : Aisa hain kya? Mujhe maaloom nahi tha.

Rashid Alvi : I'll tell you another secret. Don't tell anybody. Kyunki hum Congress ka namak khaate hain, Isliye humko Namak Haraam nahi, Namak Halal hona chaahiye.

Shakeel Ahmed : Woh secret kya hain? Aur yeh namak jiske baare mein aap ne bataaya, woh namak kaha ka hain? Gujarat ka hain kya?

Rashid Alvi : After Indira Gandhi's Sikh bodyguards killed her in Delhi, Congress people killed 2000 Sikh people in Delhi. Aaj tak hum soch rahe hain ki Sikh logon ko, murders ke baare mein kya jawaab de! Shakeel saab, aaj ke baad kuch bhi Twitter pe likhne se pehle mujhse poochke likhna. Kyunki aapki knowledge kam hain. Itne din aap bhaashan karte the na, ab aap twitter pe kaise gaye??

Shakeel Ahmed : Main Ranbir Kapoor ka fan hoon. Ranbir ne jaise Rockstar film mein chillaake gaana gaaya, waise maine Rajasthan mein cheekh cheekh kar bhaashan kiya tha. Iss liye meri aawaz baith gayi hain. Isliye main bhaashan nahin kar sakta. Isliye main ab apne stupid comments Twitter pe likhta hoon.

Rashid Alvi : Hum Rahul Gandhi ko aage laane ke liye bahut try karte hain. Phir bhi Rahul youth ho kar bhi Modi se kyun peeche jaata hain?

Shakeel Ahmed : Shaayad Rahul Gandhi Gujarat ka namak, Gujarat ki bhindi, Gujarat ke tomatoes nahin khaata hoga. Aur Gujarat ka Amul milk nahi pitaa hoga. Shaayad Rahul Italy ka pasta aur pizza khaata hoga. Isliye woh Narendra Modi jaisa strong nahi hain.

Rashid Alvi : Aage tum kuch bhi bhaashan karo ya twitter pe likho, mera advice lekar karo. Kyunki meri history tumhari history se thodi better hain.