Saturday 16 February 2013

Vijay Mallya


                           Vijay Mallya
(Owner of Kingfisher Airlines, Kingfisher beer & IPL's Royal Challengers Bengaluru)

We are against alcohol. This is an imaginary article written for fun.

Aam Aadmi (Mango Man) : Vijay Mallya ji, aap kisliye Kingfisher airlines ke loan bhar nahi rahe ho?

Vijay Mallya : Kyunki mere saare rupaye London se Mahatma Gandhiji ke saamaan auction karke laane mein khatam ho gaye.

Aam Aadmi : Sabhi bol rahe hain ki aapne beer ka paisa usme daala. Kya yeh sach hain?

Vijay Mallya : Main sirf beer sell karta hoon. Usme bahut alcohol nahi hota. Sirf 4% to 6% alcohol hota hain. Lekin humare politicians drugs sell karnewaalo ko bhi nahi pakadte.

Aam Aadmi : Aap calendar mein ladkiyon par bahut paisa kharch karte ho. Isliye aapka loss hua hoga.

Vijay Mallya : Lekin humare Indian women itne modern huye hain ki Poonam Pandey aur Sherlyn Chopra jaise log apne nange (naked) photos twitter pe dikhaate hain, woh bhi binaa paise ke. Aur Sherlyn Chopra bolti hain, "Mere baap zinda hote toh mujhpar proud feel karte"

Lekin Sherlyn ko nahi maloom hain ki shaayad inke dressing sense dekh kar hi inke pitaa pehle guzar gaye honge.

Aam Aadmi : Agar aapko Kingfisher Airlines ko zinda rakhna hain toh, aap Ekta Kapoor ke paas jaayiye. Unke ek astrologer hain.

Vijay Mallya : Lekin Ekta Kapoor ke bhai Tusshar Kapoor ko gungaa karke bhi, pants ke neeche ka hissa dikha kar bhi, woh astrologer usse popular nahi banaa sakaa, mujhe kya banaayegaa..??

Aam Aadmi : Aur ek astrologer hain. Bigg Boss ka astrologer.

Vijay Mallya : Shaayad uss astrologer ne Bigg Boss ko bataaya hoga, “Aap aage mat aayiye. Kisi ne aapko dekha toh Bigg Boss show flop ho jaayegaa”

Phir bhi main mere Kingfisher airlines ki raksha karne ke liye uss astrologer ke paas jaaongaa.

Bigg Boss ka astrologer : Aap ki destiny (naseeb) acchi hain. Lekin teen chaar gadbad hain. Change karna chaahiye.

Vijay Mallya : Kya gadbad hain?

Astrologer : 1) Aapne apne Kingfisher ka naam hataakar Queen Fisher rakhna chaahiye. Nahin toh aur ek solution hain,

2) High command ka hand aapke sar ke upar honaa chaahiye. Aur Airlines ka naam Ladies Finger rakhna chaahiye kyunki Ladies finger (High Command) ki ungli mein bahut taakat hoti hain. Aur,

3) Aapke IPL team ke logon ne aapse itne saare paise liye hain ki aapko bank se loan lene ki zaroorat hi nahi hain. Un players se aap loan le sakte hain. Aur,

4) Royal ka R nikaal kar L rakhna chaahiye. Isse Loyal Challengers hota hain. Isse aapki team kitni loyal hain aur aapke liye kitne challenges lete hain, woh aapko maloom padegaa.

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